I hate it.
I can't freaking stand it.
If I see one more happy daddy with his happy kid frolicking through another happy field of happy flowers I'm going to vomit up my happy lunch.
If I have to view one more touching video mash-up of dads and their special kid moments I swear I'm going to smash-up my screen.
Am I a tad bitter? Oh yeah. Just a tad.
Early this month I made the mistake of asking Dia if she wanted to get her dad a card for Father's Day. She did - more because she likes looking through the singing cards than because she wanted to brighten his day - but still she liked the idea. Now I have this card I need to send. Well, she needs to send. Fortunately, there's no 'greatest dad' crap in there. The sad, or truthful (or whatever) fact is that she would have nixed a card that said that anyway. Still, it wishes him a happy Father's day and sings "Kung Fu Fighting" to him.
We will send it.
On time.
Without any chemical warfare secretly tucked inside.
Oh no - now before you go thinking I'm some psycho ex or some crazed housewife from Texas, let me get serious for a second. It's not that I dislike him or wish him harm. In truth, I don't. It's just that I have this tremendous conflict. See, there was this holiday some people make a big deal out of - Christmas? You may have heard of it. Well, she didn't hear from him at all during that season of joy. In fact, 26 full weeks after his last visit, he finally delivered her Christmas presents - in March. She declared them an early birthday present, but he refused that label and insisted that they were, indeed, Christmas presents.
He had that little hint, by the way, in case it had slipped his mind that her birthday was coming up. Yet, on that special day he sent nothing... did nothing. And because of that, the petty little childish non-compassionate horrible side of me feels like he doesn't deserve anything on any of his special days either.
Yet I should feel proud of Dia. She wanted to give him something regardless of what she got in return. That's pretty awesome and rare these days. I should feel proud of myself too because somehow I instilled that in her - or at least didn't kill it with bitter words. Those I swallow (talk about a bitter pill). She knows little of my disappointment in him. It does her no good to know my opinion and it's not hers anyway. She has the right and ability to make up her own mind.
And because of that, it is her decision - not mine - to send the card. I'd rather deliver a big bag of burning manure to his doorstep, but I'm childish that way.
- kec
I like the Darth Vader and Leia picture above. Pretty accurate. Can you just send him that as an anonymous Father's Day card? Or can I? ... Um, for no particular reason, can I have his address? You don't need to know any more than that. :)
ReplyDeleteHonestly, not that I think "being there" as a dad should be dependent on the child, but seriously Dia is so amazing and terrific that it is hard to fathom how anyone who has such a great excuse to be in her life would chose not to be. I just don't want her to blame herself when it says way more about him than her. I'm guessing that is one of the things that bothers you. Sorry you have to deal with that.
You have an amazing family, even if it isn't as complete as you would like. I know that Father's Day as an official holiday just ends up shining a light on that missing piece but when that spotlight is turned off, after June 23rd, it will be more clear what a small piece of an otherwise beautiful picture he really is, and I think Dia understands that, at least on some level. I think that everyone and every family is missing pieces in one way or another so it's more about the overall picture. You guys have a whole lot of love to fill in those blank spaces.
BTW - under the heading of making-lemonade-out-of-lemons, if I haven't mentioned this before, I think you could make a killing in the "alternative holiday greeting card" market. Take that childish, bitter (jk), inner voice and put it to work for the anti-Hallmark folks. Lots of us appreciate the sarcastic, snarky, and honest sentiment.
Very entertaining vent, thanks for sharing. :) Jane
Jane - You are such a sage (the wise kind, not the herb), I swear you should move to a mountain top somewhere and dispense great wisdoms. It is true that we are all "missing" something and that it's not that hole that defines us, but what we fill that void up with that matters. I am constantly in awe of the love my little family shares and the extended family that our friends have become.
DeleteAnd I'll have to look into the snarky card idea. You might just be onto something!
I may be a sage, but I apparently can't use a calendar, so good news, the spotlight now comes off earlier, after June 16th now. :P
ReplyDelete