I received this little tidbit in the newsletter from my daughter's school. It appears we have lost our collective minds. My comments (in red below):
(From Love and Logic by Dr. Charles Fay)
The "Energy Drain" approach was created to give adults a practical way of creating logical consequences that teach responsibility. Simply stated, the child (or teen) is required to replace energy "drained" from the adult by their misbehavior.
He lost me at "hello." This is so NOT a logical consequence. "Oh, John, how do you plan to replace the energy you drained from me when you blew that sale?" said no boss ever.
Deliver a strong dose of sincere empathy. "This is so sad."
This isn't sad. Puppies dying is sad. Back-talking is not sad. Let's not mix up the kid's emotions. If we are going to deliver a strong dose of anything here, it should be "I know you didn't just (fill in the blank)." or, if we're going the feeling route, "Now you've gone and pissed me off." Both are appropriate responses.
Notify the youngster that their misbehavior drained your energy. "Oh sweetie. When you lie to me (or almost any other misbehavior), it drains energy right out of me."
Ask how he or she plans to replace the energy. "How are you planning to put that energy back?"
Seriously? You are asking a CHILD this? Children don't know how they are going to put the orange juice back in the fridge half the time.
If you hear, "I don't know," (You'll be lucky if you hear that much. You'll probably just get a look like you are some sort of alien.) offer some payback options. "Some kids decide to do some of their mom's chores. How would that work? (Um, are they supposed to answer that honestly?) Some kids decide to hire and pay for a babysitter, so their parents can go out and relax. How would that work?"
Oh for the love of God... You tell me, Mom. How does that work? I don't see the kids caring that their hard-earned cash is being spent to get rid of you for an evening of burned-through bedtimes and junk food.
If the child completes the chores, thank them and don't lecture. "Thanks so much! I really appreciate it." If the child refuses or forgets, don't warn or remind. Remember: Actions speak louder than words!
Forgive me for being so literal here, but I think what you've said here is that 1) your child is being punished by being made to do your chores 2) your child didn't do said chores 3) you aren't warning them or reminding them of said chores 4) you believe they will eventually get around to it 5) you really haven't done this before, have you?
Oh, but what you want us to do is:
As a last resort, go on strike OR sell a toy to pay for the drain. "What a bummer. I just don't think I have the energy to take you to Silly Willie's Fun Park this weekend." Or "What
a bummer. You forgot to do those chores. No problem. I sold your
Mutant Death Squad action figure to pay for a babysitter tonight."
What kind of ubercrappy mind play is this? Are we serious? This is the very kind of back-handed manipulation that makes supertastically awful adults. Don't you love those people? You know the ones. "Oh gee, since you didn't call me back when I texted you 50 times yesterday, I just figured you didn't care about your computer files any more so I deleted them all. Bummer."
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DISCLAIMER: I love my daughter's school. Seriously love it. In no way is this a reflection on the school itself.
DISCLAIMER #2: I do not yell at, spank, or disrespect my children in any way. I was the original Attachment Parent (see Dr. Sears).
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