Maria broke it. She was cleaning the bathroom door, trying to be extra vigilent and thorough and when she pushed the door it hit the picture. She tried to catch it but couldn't and she was so sad and scared that Juana had to be the one to tell me. I assessed the damage and assured them both not to worry. I would fix it. I can fix it.
See that's the risk. I am trusting someone with my most prized possessions. I am trusting someone who can't possibly know that that rock with the googly eyes, or that weird purple frog or that clock that doesn't run are what are really meaningful in my world. Even with them taking tremendous care something could go wrong, something could get broken. I can't wrap up everything I love in tons of bubble wrap to keep it safe because then I wouldn't get to enjoy it. So I go ahead and take the risk and sometimes stuff gets broken. It happens. It's life.
But the joy I get from taking that risk is so immense and irreplaceable it's worth it. While they clean my house so perfectly top to bottom, I am playing with Dia. I don't have to sacrifice that precious time on the weekend to tend to what ultimately has to be done. Today I took her to swim class, enjoyed a yoga class afterwards, packed a picnic and had lunch under a tree in the park. We flew a homemade kite, she tackled me over and over and finally, exhausted, we laid back laughing and looking at the blue sky through the trees. It was perfect. It was joy. It's life.
Only through my beautiful gift of Juana and Maria do I get this luxury. Because of them and Mom for providing them to me, I get to love, to smile, to laugh, to be happy a little bit more. That is worth risking things getting broken.
Today as I looked on your beautiful, smiling face through shattered glass I mentally went through the steps of how to fix it. The frame is in tact so I'll just find a similar one and borrow the glass out of it. I'm sure it won't cost too much, though it may take me a while to find the right size. Soon enough, though, I'll have it all whole and perfect again and back up on the wall where it belongs.
Years ago, I took a risk that I knew pretty early on was an ill chosen one. This was a case of trusting someone with my heart, my vulnerabilities and my care. I thought it was love, but there was little joy and what happiness I did feel was more of a contrast to the awful than anything good on its own basis. Pictures were broken then too, but that time they were ones I couldn't fix. My most precious things were burned or ripped to shreds and no amount of effort was going to get those back. They were gone forever and I was left devastated. My heart was left abandoned and denied as well. I'd trusted him with that precious thing too. After that I was angry and hurt, but mostly scared and I wished for a ton of bubble wrap to hide my broken heart in until it healed. I didn't have any though, so I just pushed on.
And life? Life kept going. So I kept going. And eventually all was well. Lessons were learned and I am better for them.
So, as it goes with lessons mothers learn, I want you to listen to this one: Follow your joy. If the joy just isn't there or if your moments of happiness are truly just the absence of pain, something irreparable will get broken. Do not risk it. But I think you know that one.
The lesson you might not yet know is this: If there is joy - if you are genuinely happy - then even if something gets broken it was worth it. You might feel shattered for a time, but your frame is strong and that incredibly blinding light you have can only dim for a minute or two. You will get a new glass even though it may take a while to find the right one. Soon enough you'll be all whole and perfect again and back up where you belong.
And if all else fails? Well, I know where to get a ton of bubble wrap.
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