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One of the side effects of being a single mom of this particular small child is the rare ability to have an uninterrupted conversation. Over the past 4.5 years, I must have started one-thousand stories that never had an end. I’ll start chatting about this or that and, after a number of interruptions, I just lose my way and either the subject gets changed or I forget what I was saying completely. Obviously, nothing all that important is ever being conveyed, but I’ve had so many topics cut short by “Mom? What would my stegosaurus say if he was the Prince of the world?” or something of the sort. Whatever it is, it’s ever so urgent to Dia. Lately I’ve been enduring attempts to stop my chatting with my personal favorite, the one-finger-over-the-mouth-with-the-left-hand/two-fingers-in-the-air-with-the-right-hand gesture lovingly taught to her by a teacher at the Y. I could go my whole life without ever seeing THAT one again….

Now, I know I could discipline or ignore her as many mothers do. I could just keep on chatting or talk over her or demand that she sit and be quiet until I’m done with my story – all things I couldn’t even begin to label as child abuse – but it’s not my style. It’s not that I’m so permissive as it is that I can’t stand noise. I’m pretty sure that there’s a mathematical equation out there that goes something like:
Dia < full attention = vocal objection > Katie’s tolerance.

With Tim and Cheyanne I could place a hand on them, or put my arm around them, and say “just a moment, sweetie, let me finish my story and then we’ll hear what you have to say” and that worked beautifully. But this is Dia. That stuff don’t play. Instead, she persists louder and louder and more and more determined.

My dilemma is twofold:
One – To be effective, I must stifle her every time she speaks when someone else is speaking. Yet she is still at the stage where several times a day she legitimately needs to announce something even if it means interrupting (unfortunately, sometimes that involves my ancient dog pooping in the house…), and because this is Dia, exceptions to the rules mean the rules are pretty much moot. That is how she rolls.
Two – If I keep chatting while she’s yelling, eventually I can’t think any more anyway and have to give her my attention if for no other reason than to get her to hush. This is not as simple as it sounds and therefore ends the conversation I’m trying to have anyway. Also (I fear) that teaches Dia just to yell longer and louder to accomplish her task. You do have to understand that her goal is not necessarily to be heard as much as it is to rule the roost.

OK – you have to understand the mind of a Dia. The other day we went for a walk and she’d kicked her shoes off and then got them back on. She was having trouble walking in them after that.
“Oh” I said “You’ve got them on the wrong feet, sweetheart.”
“Mom” she said “Why are you always telling me what to do?”
OK?

Sewwwwww – anyway – I’ve noticed that I have this tendency to just prattle on every chance I get an unobstructed audience. I feel like an in-person Twitter account. I talk too fast, dominate the conversation and have this tendency to just dump every bit of detail in my life that I can on my poor victim. And, worse, I have stopped listening. Well, I listen just long enough to get a cue for my next launch: “Oh, that reminds me!...”

I’ve become THAT person! You know the one: “Enough about you, let’s talk about me.” Ugh.

For no particular reason, I had a flashback recently to a moment where a great friend of mine said “you are the best listener I have ever known.” I think God might have implanted that sudden memory. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been a chatty Cathy since Day 1. Or anyway since I was 3 years old. Mom reports a time when my dad complained “Isn’t Kate EVER going to learn to talk?” To God’s ears, I suppose, because I really haven’t shut up much since then. Still, I knew how to listen too and I fear I have let that go.

So – dear friends – here is my written oath. I vow to be a better listener. If I really, really need to just spew out stupid stuff – well, perhaps that’s what my blog is for (!) – I’ll try to keep it to a minimum. I’m still going to be the conversation starter 90% of the time, because that’s how I roll, but I vow to let YOU talk and to truly hear you. And I promise to start right now. .... Or, maybe in a year. ....No later than 2012 I promise!
KEC