More Than

It feels like such a small life. This one I’m living.

I want my impact to be bigger. I want to be Ellen. I want to be known by one name and have the power to change people’s lives. I wanna write people huge checks and promote their goodness, launch their businesses, know I’m making a difference.

But me? I can’t do that. I can only do those things on a microscopic basis. I mean, realistically, I’m barely making enough money to support me right now so my contributions to anyone else are insignificant. Launch someone's business? Ha! Every endorsement I make causes no more ripple than a pebble in the ocean. And though I’ve helped many start-ups over the years, by the nature of my work and the nature of human beings, it’s almost guaranteed my contribution won’t be remembered. At most, upon my death, I’ll be mourned by a handful of people and I won’t have made a significant contribution to any one of their lives.

Or
not...

We do this, you know. We decide certain people are important and others are not. It’s a status thing. We have a pseudo caste system here. Our celebrities – I just mentioned Ellen – well, they are certainly ‘more than.’ The same goes for our professional or Olympic athletes. Anyone who has amassed wealth, even by inheritance, is so much more important than the rest of us. We listen to them. What they have to say is somehow relevant and important. We pay attention. We buy magazines to keep up with them and watch shows about them. We follow their social feeds and try their You Tube tutorials.

But when we, in our relatively tiny lives, have a moment of greatness - say, a graduation or a significant anniversary or a wedding toast –  and we walk up to the mic and give our thanks... well, do we say “Kim Kardashian really paved the way for me?" Isn’t it (outside of the obligatory and trite dropping of peace-leaders' names. Ghandi is always good for that, or MLK Jr., or Mandela if you are particularly worldly) - isn’t it always “my 5^th grade teacher” or “my grandmother” or “my little league coach” that we give credit to? If it ever is someone of a certain level - a ‘more than’ - isn’t it only when they’ve stepped out of their lane and taken the time to be present?

Maybe we don’t really need an "Ellen" so much. Maybe we need "us" much more. If I got the chance to stand on that podium, I’d thank God for every forgotten person in my life that are not actually forgotten, but might think they are. If I were receiving an award for philanthropy maybe, or a Pulitzer, or perhaps for just spending 50+ years on this planet without burning the whole thing down, I’d thank so many people. I’d thank the waiter in Caneel Bay when I was on my honeymoon at 19 years old who made me feel grown and smart and crazy savvy at choosing really good wines despite my age. I’d thank the garbage collector, Ray, who always slowed down to wave at baby Dia and made her Mondays the best day of the week. I’d thank the nurses who have always been the best of my healthcare who took time and listened. I’d thank the friends that have served as teachers or cautionary tales or insightful gurus. I’d thank the gardeners and the highway workers, the truckers and the cashiers, the aerobics instructors and soccer coaches, the babysitters and dog groomers. I'd tell my physical therapist that he made all the difference and is the reason I run. I'd thank every volunteer that ever gave up a day of their lives simply because they have kindness in their hearts. These people aren’t living little lives. Without them, where would we all be?  

I’m lucky enough to be reminded regularly of how much an often thankless job can mean to us. I thank God every single week for Juana and Maria who make me feel so loved and cared for. Every night after they’ve cleaned my home, I climb into fresh, clean sheets feeling beyond grateful and content. I'm cocooned in happiness. It’s a comfort I wouldn’t have without them and it may seem silly and perhaps frivolous, but for a person with my past – with my particular trials and tribulations –this is a kind of heaven. This is not something I take for granted.  

So as I think about the many people that make my life ‘more than,’ and despite how much I love Ellen and her grand gestures, I now feel blessed in realizing that I have been lifted up by so many walking angels. I have been given gifts far more than any celebrity could ever furnish. And while I may be a forgotten person too and may never have an opportunity to give the people in my life the magnificent gifts they deserve, somewhere someone is remembering me and is grateful too. 

And that makes all the difference.