Unpopular Logic

I sometimes feel like I'm all alone in my thinking.  I might just be too sensitive or maybe too serious, though both of those characteristics I cringe at the idea of owning.  Over the years, I have tried to create a version of myself that is silly, irreverent at times and masked with bravado.  I would love to bury my overly serious and sensitive side, but I feel like it raises its ugly head more and more often these days.

For instance?  Charlie Sheen.  See, most people would now be chuckling to themselves… he’s kind of all the worst of a New Orleans Mardi Gras, isn’t he?  Prostitutes, drunken revelry, drunken regrets, invoking the gods, thinking you’re a god… all while riding on top of an overly decorated float surrounded by an entourage of fans who only love you for the goodies you throw their way.  Now while I can certainly see why folks are laughing at him, I cannot be content to do the same.  All I can think about are his kids.  It physically frightens me and I feel incredibly sad for them.  These are real children that didn’t ask for this ‘privileged’ life.  Shoot, the last time I heard of a child requesting their own birth was … um… yeah…

See?  I do this ALL the time.  The television shows and the reality programs that other people seem to not only watch, but enjoy, send me to a level of despair that is nearly intolerable.  I saw a moment of “Wife Swap” back in the day and all I could think was that it was this awful televised version of child abuse.  The kids get a new mom for a week and they are expected to obey her crazy set of new rules?  I’m sorry, what?  Now, I clearly realize that the parents in these cases are twisted to begin with since they would even consider participating in a show like this, but then we just add to these innocent children’s pain.  Here’s a whole new train wreck for you to endure.  Woo hoo.

Off the television (and usually at the grocery store), I watch parents sneering at their children and, between clenched jaws, spewing “Stop.that.right.now.” This is typically followed by my personal favorite “Do you want a spanking?”  I want so badly to go up to these parents and ask them when exactly it was that they stopped loving their kids.  Now I don’t think for a moment that they did stop loving their kids, but if they could just see – through the child’s eyes – how much it looks like they did maybe they’d be a little more respectful.  I mean, could you imagine living in a world where whenever your boss got slightly irritated, he angrily spat at you through his teeth and asked you ridiculous, condescending questions?  If you do live in that world, you should quit that job.  Now. 

On the television, it plays out live and we just watch it.  Or we don’t think about it.  We just watch the drama and ignore the very real reality.  Charlie Sheen has, what, 4 kids?  Each one of them not only gets to experience their personal hell live and in person, but they get it on instant replay to boot. 

I'm speaking from the viewpoint of a daughter of a relatively nice alcoholic.  He never hit me, he didn't have delusions of grandeur, and the pain endured from his alcoholism was mostly from his absence - his retreat into self-medication and sleep.  Still, he didn’t spare me the errant comments.  He didn’t spare me the clenched teeth.  He didn’t spare me the look of absolute hatred and resentment when his gaze fixed on my face.  And he didn’t spare me the memory of them all that I can’t erase no matter how hard I try.  Yet I was lucky, in a way, because my father was a non-celeb.  He didn't go outside much and I didn't have friends over very often.  I only told the friends I trusted about my dad's condition.  Even with that sometimes I'd get it thrown back in my face in a hurtful way, but for the most part I endured my sorrow privately and in the relative safety of a close circle.

I don’t doubt for a minute that's why my heart bleeds for these kids.  I don’t doubt for a minute that’s why every day I take this job of mom so very seriously.  Sure, I’ve slipped.  I’m not perfect either, but I hurry to apologize, to point out that that was a huge mistake on my part, to assure them they weren't to blame for my poor behavior and to never, ever do that again (and really don't).  I believe this is what seems to be lacking with both celebrity and private parents – the self awareness of the influence, the TREMENDOUS influence that we have.

If you can look back on your childhood without recalling a single errant comment that broke your heart; without recalling a time when one of the people that was supposed to love you most in this world, seemed to love you least; then God bless your parents and we need more of them.   If not?  Unfortunately, that makes you kind of normal and maybe you can take a second and consider how damaging those moments really were.  Maybe take another second and consider that no child deserves that damage.  Not Charlie's and not our own.

And while, on the whole, I’m definitely opposed to evangelizing, here I feel maybe more people should come over to my side.  On a personal level, let’s watch our tongues, our affect and our tempers a little more and on a more global scale let's not support televised child abuse, or neglect the kids that are the collateral damage when their parents implode.  I realize we can’t sign a petition to take away Sheen’s kids, for instance, but we can just turn the damn thing OFF.  If we don’t watch, the networks won’t play it – and they certainly won’t make more.  If we don't watch, then maybe the kids can suffer their parents privately - sharing the problems they're enduring with trusted friends rather than the whole judgmental world. 

Sigh… but I think I’m alone here in my unpopular logic.