Define Me

I was told to be a lady.
Even as a child.

 
I was to be dainty, 

keep my hands folded in my lap, 

cross my legs at the ankle, 

don’t let my panties peek out from under my dress, wear a dress, 

don’t scuff my shoes, 

keep things polished, 

clean and neat.

I was told not to care about such things.
Regaled with tales of freedom

of hill climbing freedom

of independence and blue jeans and frolicking with boys freedom. 

Of dirty faces and hands. 

Of smiles and smears of mud.

But the Tom Sawyer life was not to be mine.

I was to be a lady.

I was told to study.

To pay attention.

Some day this would be crucial. 

Some day this would matter.
I was told to excel, 

to be the top of my class, 

to know things and learn things and appreciate fine arts.

I was told not to be such a nerd.

Be cool. 

Be athletic and pretty and popular. 

Be well liked by strangers, 

dress a certain way, 

act a certain way.

But not that way.

  
I was told I laughed too much,
and sang too loudly,
and smiled too broadly.
Don't dance,
don't be so silly.

I was asked to be beautiful, 

to be skinny, 

to stay in fashion,

to keep myself kept,

to value things

designer things, nice cars, good wine.

I was taught to shun material things and work on my inside.

I should be kind, 

I should be compassionate, 

I should forgive, 

I should become one with the universe.

I should speak out for others.  

I was told to keep my mouth shut and let others repeat my words so they could be heard.

I was to be polite and nurturing.
I was to keep my temper and temper my cursing.
I was not to be judgmental or opinionated. 

My opinions were wrong,

My feelings nonconsequential.

I was to be needed but not to be needy.
I was to be graceful and uplifting.
I was to be serious, but welcoming.

I should watch the frown lines and the laugh lines.
I should watch my weight.
I should exercise, but never sweat.
I should not age. 

I should consider plastic surgery.

I should forego sleep to cater to others, 

I should always appear fully rested.

I was told to be a lady,

a wife, 

a mother, 

a caretaker. 

Dependable. Reliable. Self sacrificing. Supporting. 

A good, solid adult. 

Fold the fitted sheets, make the beds, return the shopping carts, buy the Girl Scout cookies 

But never, 

ever

eat them.